How Negativity Can Be Positive for Your Relationship
Vulnerably Sharing the “Negative” Stuff Can Actually Bring You Closer
I’ll admit it — the clickbait got me.
The headline read something like: “Expressing Negativity Improves Romantic Relationships.” And I rolled my eyes at first because, as a therapist, I spend a good chunk of time helping couples remove negativity from their relationships — things like defensiveness, contempt, and criticism.
But I clicked. And I’m glad I did.
Because it turns out, the article wasn’t really about negativity in the way we usually think about it. It was about vulnerability.
New research shows that when you vulnerably share your negative emotions with your partner — stress, sadness, fear — it can actually lead to deeper connection and better support. And that makes sense, doesn’t it? We all want to feel like our partner gets us, and that can’t happen if we only show the polished, upbeat version of ourselves.
Here’s a quick story: Something stressful happened last week, and as I was telling my husband Andy about it, I started out irritated. But halfway through venting, I caught myself and said, “You know what? I’m not actually mad — I’m sad.” That shift changed everything. He could see me more clearly. He responded not with defensiveness or quick fixes, but with comfort and empathy. That moment drew us closer.
So yes — express the “negativity”… but do it vulnerably. Let your partner into your inner world. It turns out, that’s where the real connection lives.
In addition to hosting The Sean Show on B105.7, Sean Copeland is a therapist at Evolve Therapy in Greenwood, IN.