Has Anyone Ever Said to You: “You Made Me Feel…?”

Have you ever been in a conversation where someone says, “Well, you made me feel embarrassed,” or “You made me feel worthless”  It lands heavy. It shuts down the conversation. And often, it leaves you holding emotional baggage that isn’t actually yours. Here’s the truth: “You made me feel…” is usually emotional outsourcing.

It takes a complex inner experience — feelings shaped by someone’s history, expectations, insecurities, interpretations — and places the blame squarely on you. Suddenly the conversation isn’t about resolving conflict; it’s about assigning fault.  Yes, actions impact people. And yes, accountability matters.  But feelings are internal.  They arise in us — not from others like a remote-controlled switch.  A healthier alternative?

“When (blank) happened, I felt (blank).” Notice the shift: It owns the feeling.  It opens a conversation instead of shutting it down.  It allows both people to explore what happened instead of turning one person into the villain.

Imagine the difference: “You made me feel stupid.” VS “When you corrected me in front of everyone, I felt embarrassed.”  One invites a wall.  The other invites understanding. And that’s the goal, right? Not to win. Not to punish. But to connect.  Relationships thrive when we talk with each other, not at each other.  When we express feelings, not assign blame. When we own our inner world, not weaponize it. 

So, the next time you hear “You made me feel…” take a breath.  Step back.  Remember: you don’t control someone else’s emotional landscape.  Healthy communication starts with owning our own side of the emotional street.